muddy water

Claudia is going crazy over college apps.
i wish i could help :/.
oofa.
saturday-voxtrot at slobrew
tuesday- FIGHT CLUB
things are looking up
im having a good time
i like my new schedule, even though the classes are pretty hard. It's nice to actually be challenged, because last trimester my schedule was too ridiculously easy. It should be interesting to see the outcome of my grades.
here we go agaaainnn.

ps. i really like to kill a mockingbird.
pps. Blame It On Fidel! is a really amazing movie. its french with subtitles, you should check it out.
OH and today i volunteered to be main speaker for a debate in junior statesmen today. im really nervous and scared, so we will see how that goes! eek okay.
goodnight, i am now going to retire to my room read some to kill a mockingbird and listen to the across the universe soundtrack.

she is here

this is what i have to say
take it or leave it

" everything will be alright.
everything will be alright, my friend.
if you just let go
and jump in
even though it's not quite that easy
in fact, it's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do
but I'll always be here for you
and one day everything will be alright
and we'll swim in the autumn leaves that fell tonight"

i love sydney.
she is here for me.
i love sydney

brief summary.

my hair is back to normal.
its sweet.
i met colette downtown at five and we walked and waited. and then we met nicki and robin and hannah and henry and we walked and didn't do much. well, we did learn more about guys and ourselves in those handy quizbooks at barnes & nobles. We waited for the trolley forever but then colette and I convinced them that it wasn't going to come. We walked to fatty's pizza and got two pizzas and then we walked to colettes. we ate pizza and watched home alone 2. it was a really good time. i'm really excited by things lately. I guess a good reason is because everything is so good lately. Then we went to laura crane's house for a movie party. (just me and claudia) It was nice, I knew a lot of the people there, but i didn't actually know them. if that makes sense.. so in the beginning it was kind awkward, but it was good. Then we came home around 1 and got yelled at.
Ha- Ha.
PICNIC today! picnic with nicki and dana and nick and cole. (nick and cole better come!)
it should be a really good time.
sweet.

dropping by

just thought i'd drop by and say HAPPY thanksgiving.
i'm really happy right now, and i'm glad things are good.
i hope everyone else is happy.
December is my favorite month of the year, I can't wait for it.
and i'm going to michigan, so im super super stoked.
okay, have a good one.
love love

ps. my hair is going to be ___________ tomorrow.

hummus is the way to go

i havent done this in a while.
i dont really know what to say;
my grades went up. which is really really good. i have been trying a lot these past few days.
Coffee Night @ mission friday. Claudia was amazing, and she made me proud to be her sister.
It was nice and bad to be at Mission.
It reminded me of all the reasons why I chose not to go there, and it reminded me of all the reasons why I should have gone there.
Friday
-coffee night
-sydney
-chumscrubber
The Chumscrubber is an amazing movie. If you haven't seen it you really should.
Saturday I went to Wild Wild Fest in AG. It was an all day music festival, and it was free so that made me really happy. I went with Hannah, Claudia, Margaux, and Mark. (mar & mar). We had a good time, and most of the music was enjoyable. Threes and Nines is my favorite, ever. We had to leave in the middle of them, which was too bad. Hannah and I left at one point and walked downtown and got food. Food is good.
Trader Joe's that evening, i bought good food for life.
Today I might do something with maya, she just called me.
we'll see.

'there's a hole in my arm from your stabbing'
'there's a hole in my heart from your duct tape'

new perspectives

interesting and refreshing weekend.
friday balison spent the night (unexpected plans, amazingly worked out though) and we figured things out, and talked and everything was good.
saturday dorothy came over. it felt like i hadn't seen her in ages, which i guess was true. it was nice to re unite with an old friend. We took the bus downtown and walked around and went to stores. i got claudia the Once poster and a Bloc Party poster, and a cool present from Urban. Then we went out to dinner at Shin's. Maya was able to come. Her parents thought it would be good for her. I'm glad she came. It was like old times. We talked and tried to help figure things out. Things can be rough and its hard when you have to see someone struggle through it. Things are changing too fast. Then we went to see the school play, and it was really good. and i sat with nicolita and mando and tom. and it was nice. and we went to dorothys house and went hot tubbin. and then i was confused by random hookups and wondered what was going on.....
but it didn't really matter.

Sunday I woke up at 8:30, *SHOCK* and went to margaux's house around 10. We got in her car with a nice batch of cd's and camera equiptment. We drove to a ruined insane asylum. *please dont go there without proper equiptment* we went around outside and then climbed through a small window. *don't go unless you know what you are getting yourself into* There was horrible asbestos exposure and now it's in our lungs forever. We are really worried about it, it's super dangerous, and i'm worried about myself. It was a really amazing experience. All the rooms were really similar and they were almost like jail cells, the windows were barred up and we found chains. It was kind of depressing. It was really creepy. The ceiling was dripping, and it was very dark even though we were there so early. It was huge, and beautiful. There were huge gaping holes all over the floor, and there were some parts where we kinda had to scale the wall to get across. it was really really dangerous. When I stepped on one of the boards it started to give away and i had to step somewhere else. i dont advise going unless you have a lot of light and braveness. I almost wanted to leave at one point i got so scared, but if you don't think about it, and just think of it as being an old building then its not so bad. It was overall an incredible experience. After that we got in the car and drove.. and drove to sunshine donuts! and we stuffed ourselves. Then we drove down Los osos valley road and turned on turri road. once on turri road we took this random private drive and then turned around and went on this other private drive, it was beautiful. it was almost like a forresty swamp area. We took pictures and got banged in the face with branches. then we drove to Montana de oro. it was super cold and windy there, but the waves were really pretty. Then we drove around and went to Morro Bay and went to Taco Bell's Drive Thru.. and had a rubber band incident. Then i drove around Morro Rock and we went down Highway 1 and went up Canet Rd. and then another long dirt road and adventured and saw 237420357 cows. then we returned to our houses. it was amazing
today i picnicked with sydney. yay.

SWEET

LAUGHING

SOMETIMES DO YOU EVER JUST FEEL LIKE TYPING IN ALL CAPS? EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMS REALLY WEIRD AT FIRST IT JUST FEELS RIGHT.
WELL THATS NOW.
GOING TO SEE CHRISTMAS CACTUS TODAY.
REUNITING WITH OLD AND NEGLECTED FRIENDS.
FEELING GUILTY.
LAUGHING THAT PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY SHUTTING ME DOWN AND LETTING GO OF THEIR HOLD ON ME.
LAUGHING THAT WHENEVER I SAY SOMETHING IT DOESN'T COME OUT RIGHT AND NO ONE CAN MAKE SENSE OF IT.
(SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE I SPEAK IN WINGDINGS.)
LAUGHING AT THE FACT THAT HE THINKS ITS OKAY TO DO THIS TO ME.
LAUGHING AT MYSELF.
LAUGHING AT MY LIFE.
AND LAUGHING AT THE FACT THAT ABOVE ALL OF THAT I AM REALLY REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

YEAH.

starting to make sense

i realized today (*or so i think*) that I have a bad tendency:
I try and be friends with everyone, and I will push or force a friendship when it shouldn't be pushed; and i realize that so many times i need to just back off and let the friendship grow. but its my subconscious that does this. I don't even notice most of the time.
and i am trying to get over that.
and word vomit is bad. bad. bad.
bad.
but sometimes really necessary.

doubts.

"you read esperanza rising?"
"yeah."
"have you read esperanza falling?"

i started a list of all the books i have ever read.
its at 142. even though that sounds like a lot, i am disappointed that i cant remember more.
every hour or so one will pop into my head and i will run to my paper and scribble it down.
i dont understand how people dont read. it escapes me.

I have tried to stay in touch with people, but they don't make an effort.
so i am giving up, if they don't try and have a conversation with me then that sucks but that's it.
////
'how are you'
'im good.'
'ok.'
////
It's not that it's annoying, i guess it's just frustrating; because i try really hard to stay in touch. I call people, i comment them, i message them. but most of the time they just don't make an effort. and its been happening so much, and i wonder if its just because that's the way they are, or if it's because of the way I am; and that's why they don't try. maybe they don't want to stay in touch with me.

i love ken christensen

so, this was a myspace bulletin i posted.
but i wanted to post it as a blog for my own memory,.

so we are watching a documentary on the Who on tv. (one of his favorite bands)
and he was telling me a story:
he said that at one of their concerts the promoters had everyone wait outside and anticipate the show, and then at the last minute they only opened one door to the concert, and it was a mad stampede and 11 kids got trampled and died. However, the Who didn't know this happened so they played the whole concert through. The media was saying "death stadium", and was blaming the who and said that they were associated with violence, and they showed pictures of them smashing their instruments at a monterey festival like 4 or 5 years previous. My dad said that he was so pissed off about it that he wrote the TV network a letter saying how horribly they were distorting the situation and they were making The Who look bad when they weren't involved. so, the TV network called up my dad and asked him to go on TV. So the TV network drove out to Ohio and interviewed him at his parent's house. He was on national television and was sticking up for The Who and saying how the media was distorting the story and fucking everything up. so hes basically really amazing and yeah

and years later when he was living in london he met Pete Townsend. (THE MAIN GUY FROM THE WHO!)
HE IS SO SWEET
i love him

PART II

so, my dad just told me the story of how he met Pete Townsend (the lead man of THE WHO).
::::
He lived in London and a lot of times in London when there was going to be a concert they wouldn't announce it, they would just put up posters around the city a day or two before. My dad heard rumors of The Who going to London to play, so he kept an eye out for posters, and sure enough he saw HUGE amounts of posters everywhere. They were going to be playing at the Rainbow Theater. My dad says that its size is inbetween the size of the fremont and the arlington theater (in SB), so its really small. The problem was that my dad didn't have any money for the concert. The whole day before the concert he went around London doing sketches of restaurants (he is an artist) and when they were done he would go in and sell it to the restaurant. He made 30$ and did 3 sketches each for 10$. so then he went over to the rainbow theater and sure enough they were sold out. He looked around for someone he could buy a ticket from, and he got a ticket from someone for 20$. (they were originally 10$). while he was looking he heard someone yell "hey look! there goes the who!" and when he looked up there were people running by on a different street. he thought it was just random people so after he bought the ticket he had time and he decided to go see what it was. He decided that since they were english they would probably be going to the nearest pub. So my dad walked to the nearest pub and it was really quiet, only 10 or so people there. and at a table was PETE townsend and a group of 3 or 4 people. My dad didn't want to rush up and be such an eager fan, so he went up to the bar and asked for a beer, at most pubs in london its a standard one brand of beer, but occasionally there are free bars where you can pick any brand. since he used to be a bartender he knew all the brands and stopped to think of a good brand. so finally he said "ill have a bass beer" and two seconds after he said that, pete townsend was right next to him at the bar and he shouted "GIVE HIM A BASS!" and then he looked at him and was like oh so you like bass? and they started talking and my dad sat with him and his friends for thirty or more minutes before the concert drinking and talking.My dad asked him about the latest Who review in the Times and what he thought about it and how they mentioned bruce springstein. Pete said "the times? and he said that when he met bruce springstein in person he was incoherent and didnt sound very intelligent. so then they started talking about bruce's new album and just about a bunch of stuff. and then my dad went to the concert and saw them in the very front.
i love my dad.
this is AMAZING

well, story time much.

"your parents don't love you."

Halloween was really fun. :). good time. i went trick or treating with alex,alison, hannah, and colette. It was fun, we got a lot of candy. We were walking out of a tunnel and two people dressed in all black jumped at us. and I have never screamed so hard or loud in my life. It was amazing. hah. hannah and i were in front, so it was quite an experience.
When we went to one house, jon eidson was there and he was handing out slips of paper instead of candy... and we started to read our papers and mine said, "your parents don't love you..." they were all different. hannah was collecting money for unicef and she asked them if they had something to donate and jon was like YEAH give them one of the papers! and his friend was like noooooo its unicef!
hahahha. it was really funny.
RTA screwed me and nate and sydney over last night.
fuck them for messing up our bike night plans!
three people from their phone place told us the bus was leaving at 7:18.. and then it turns out they were all wrong. blah blah blah. long story.
I spent the night at nate's house and ate yummy pumpkin pie and watched tomb raider. hahah.
and slept in his bed, which is the coziest and comfiest bed i have ever slept in. (almost)*. and then he brought me breakfast in bed! hah it was nice. and we played with chewie and made her make faces.
hah today i am going to Bob Jones. It should be a really fun time.
i hate it when plans fall through or get complicated and you just end up stressin'.
we'll see how these plans work out. :/
ps. sunday with margaux. i am super super super excited. :) love reunited.


Mrs.Destiny, send photo to address, is it you and me?

Your voice it sounded kind
I hope that you like me
When you see my face, I hope that you don't laugh
I'm not a film-star beauty
I sent a photograph