Sydney got the new Stars cd today,(after many mishaps), which pretty much means I got the new stars cd today! and i have been listening to it the past 3 hours and am falling in love with it. I really like it. I'm drawing hands for extra credit in freehand drawing, and Sydney laughs at my drawing techniques.
I bought a new Jodi Picoult book today. and that means so much to me. really, and THEN when i got home my dad said he had a surprise for me and he handed me ANOTHER jodi picoult book. and it was amazing and made me really happy. my collections growing!
i get lectured on my grades every fucking day. i have three B+'s one C+ (i know i know) and an A+. and everyone is driving me fucking insane. and i have just about had it. i could probably have straight A's, but i'm trying really hard this last week. I have done so much extra credit this week.
anyways, while i was walking out of spanish today my spanish teacher stopped me and said "laura, i was looking at your schedule and your grades. you should have straight A's with the classes you are taking." and she started telling me how i am doing so badly and blah blah blah and how i should definitely be getting an A in her class. FUCK THIS. seriously its spanish 4, and i am trying my best. most of the people in my class have C's and gah. im so sick of everyones expectations, and pressure about fucking spanish when i am trying my best. i have an 88 or something and i am trying and i wish people would back off and stop lecturing me. it just pissed me off that she was looking at my grades and schedule when it's none of here business to lecture me on it.
fuck. i dont know anymore.
well; at least i have jodi picoult. and tea. and hope? nope, thats gone.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
dreaming
so sydney spent the night last night, and nate was over until late. twas good.
anyways, my dream was really weird:
my parents led sydney(it might have been alex, im not sure though) and I drive up to LA for the day, and we did random things, and then around one or two i was like HEY LETS GO TO DISNEYLAND! but sydney said she didn't have a lot of money and that she didn't feel like it. but i told her that i've only been to disneyland twice... and it's disneyland! so we go, and get in line and for some reason.. we have a baby with us. but its a foreign exchange baby! and when we get in line the people at the window were like "oh yeah we cant let you take that baby through unless you have the tags for it." so they took baby and put it in a box behind the window. in line we saw caryn, olivia, and kellie so we said hi to all them and went through to disneyland. then we say drew, chris, cameron, laura ragsdale, sarah barry, dov, perla... and all of their friends. so we waved to them and kept going, then we were in this gym-like theater thing and there were all these people. and when we walked in like 80% of the people got up and walked to the park, so we followed them and it was like inside an airport, where you have to choose gates, so we took a certain path and saw this play structure thing, but you had to cross the street to get to it, and sydney ran across and then i ran but dropped my book and tripped trying to get it and did all these crazy horrible flip things and then crawled to the side of the road with my book. cameron and all of them were just staring at me... and i was like oh hi. hahah, so then sydney and i got in this car and i found an extra wallet in my purse where i had 20$ and we were really excited because we had enough money for this ride thing. and then i got really excited and i said "omg sydney be quiet! ITS THE san francisco bridge!" but.. it was a ride, and we drove by and went through this security thing, and then there was a lifeguard stand and we heard shooting so we went up the lifeguard stand and claudia was shooting people! and at the lifeguard stand i saw jessica (ybarra) :). and we were hiding and claudia tried to shoot me... but she missed. and when it was all over i was really mad and i asked her what she was thinking, and she said it wasn't a big deal and that no one was killed, just injured. it was really crazy. and then i woke up...
WEIRD RIGHT!? that's what i thot.
i think i need to pay a visit to Disneyland.
anyways, yeah.
i'm going to see tumbleweed connection tomorrow. that should be a good time
sweet
anyways, my dream was really weird:
my parents led sydney(it might have been alex, im not sure though) and I drive up to LA for the day, and we did random things, and then around one or two i was like HEY LETS GO TO DISNEYLAND! but sydney said she didn't have a lot of money and that she didn't feel like it. but i told her that i've only been to disneyland twice... and it's disneyland! so we go, and get in line and for some reason.. we have a baby with us. but its a foreign exchange baby! and when we get in line the people at the window were like "oh yeah we cant let you take that baby through unless you have the tags for it." so they took baby and put it in a box behind the window. in line we saw caryn, olivia, and kellie so we said hi to all them and went through to disneyland. then we say drew, chris, cameron, laura ragsdale, sarah barry, dov, perla... and all of their friends. so we waved to them and kept going, then we were in this gym-like theater thing and there were all these people. and when we walked in like 80% of the people got up and walked to the park, so we followed them and it was like inside an airport, where you have to choose gates, so we took a certain path and saw this play structure thing, but you had to cross the street to get to it, and sydney ran across and then i ran but dropped my book and tripped trying to get it and did all these crazy horrible flip things and then crawled to the side of the road with my book. cameron and all of them were just staring at me... and i was like oh hi. hahah, so then sydney and i got in this car and i found an extra wallet in my purse where i had 20$ and we were really excited because we had enough money for this ride thing. and then i got really excited and i said "omg sydney be quiet! ITS THE san francisco bridge!" but.. it was a ride, and we drove by and went through this security thing, and then there was a lifeguard stand and we heard shooting so we went up the lifeguard stand and claudia was shooting people! and at the lifeguard stand i saw jessica (ybarra) :). and we were hiding and claudia tried to shoot me... but she missed. and when it was all over i was really mad and i asked her what she was thinking, and she said it wasn't a big deal and that no one was killed, just injured. it was really crazy. and then i woke up...
WEIRD RIGHT!? that's what i thot.
i think i need to pay a visit to Disneyland.
anyways, yeah.
i'm going to see tumbleweed connection tomorrow. that should be a good time
sweet
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
homecoming
i realized that i hadn't written in this for a while. I feel like it doesn't matter that much. and i dont think people read it anyways..
My birthday was on Wednesday, definitely not one of my better ones. The whole week was pretty shitty and stressful.
Saturday was good though, it was open studios so I hung around and helped my dad; in the midst of that i read A Great And Terrible Beauty which i really really loved. Before homecoming i went to alex's and got ready for the dance with her and alison. The dance was really fun. Better then i expected. We got there kinda late, but for some reason there was a huge line and we were standing in the freezing cold forever! It was nice when we got in though. The three of us went in the middle of the HUGE clump and danced with old friends. It was nice to see a lot of old friends that i kinda lost touch with. It was a hundred freaking degrees in there though! and then when you went outside it was freezing. overall it was fun. danced with some interesting guys. haha. and danced with nicolita and mando for a while.
I have started drawing a lot in my freetime, and i've realized how much i love it. I really really like drawing, its a fun way for me to take up my time.
Things are going.
I'm feeling optimistic.
adiosss
(fuck that just reminded me that i have this huge thing for spanish to do. DAMMIT!)
My birthday was on Wednesday, definitely not one of my better ones. The whole week was pretty shitty and stressful.
Saturday was good though, it was open studios so I hung around and helped my dad; in the midst of that i read A Great And Terrible Beauty which i really really loved. Before homecoming i went to alex's and got ready for the dance with her and alison. The dance was really fun. Better then i expected. We got there kinda late, but for some reason there was a huge line and we were standing in the freezing cold forever! It was nice when we got in though. The three of us went in the middle of the HUGE clump and danced with old friends. It was nice to see a lot of old friends that i kinda lost touch with. It was a hundred freaking degrees in there though! and then when you went outside it was freezing. overall it was fun. danced with some interesting guys. haha. and danced with nicolita and mando for a while.
I have started drawing a lot in my freetime, and i've realized how much i love it. I really really like drawing, its a fun way for me to take up my time.
Things are going.
I'm feeling optimistic.
adiosss
(fuck that just reminded me that i have this huge thing for spanish to do. DAMMIT!)
Monday, October 15, 2007
drug
ahhh.
i feel like i might be over analyzing things. which i do WAY TOO MUCH.
but i'm doing that nonstop. about so many things, and i don't know how to stop.
it is driving me CRAZY
it just complicates and messes everything up.
so much
i feel like i might be over analyzing things. which i do WAY TOO MUCH.
but i'm doing that nonstop. about so many things, and i don't know how to stop.
it is driving me CRAZY
it just complicates and messes everything up.
so much
did you act out as a child?
were you always crying wolf? Attention-starved, you tried too hard to get someone to look. Now you're the wolf in second hand clothing. im the sheep in a pleated skirt. it's an awkward form of payback but if it works for you it works. Its that i recognize your off-white lies but still i lie beside you -and thats what really hurts. When you said you'd leave me. why havent you left me? what are we still doing here? so desperate for company. There’s a greyhound on Jackson Street, there’s an airport in Council Bluffs…hell, there’s a car in the driveway – fifty ways to get lost.
...
When I said I loved you, it was because I loved you. When I said I needed you, well, I really need you. Yeah, I guess you hurt me, for once you’re a man of your words. Well, guess what – I’m leaving – I can’t be your prisoner.
I won’t.
Sunday I woke up at seven in the morning to get ready for a long day. Nate picked me up at 8 and then we got sydney. We had an interesting two hour car drive. A lot of shifting for comfortability. hah, it kinda worked out in the end. We got to Big Sur after a twisty drive up a dangerous road. We went on an amazing walk/hike through the forest to the river. The river was crystal and beautiful. There were huge rocks everywhere, so we climbed the rocks through the river. It was really nice to have a change in scenery, especially such a beautiful one. We had a really good time. Sydney.. haha fell in the river (which was HILARIOUS!), and nate was laughing at her and making fun of her and then two seconds later he completely fell in. :). it was really cute, haha, i was the only one who stayed somewhat dry. The walk was so beautiful. Even though the air isn't really dirty here, it felt so much cleaner and fresher in Big Sur. I really enjoyed it, and it was nice to get away. Then we had a barbecue and went to a music/environment festival. There was this AMAZING nest, where it was a bunch of little to medium sized sticks formed into a huge oval suspended by wood and a ladder. Inside the nest there were TONS of pillows. We layed in there for hours. It was super nice. And then these little kids kinda attacked us. I think we might have given sydney a concussion from a pillow fight where nate and i completely ganged up on her. it was funny. haha
Last night i was exhausted so I went to bed at 9:45 (I KNOW! early!) but i didn't sleep at all, and now i have a sore back and a migraine. It sucks.
i'm really nervous and worried about a lot of things. school too. err
I wasn't completely myself today. For the few people who this affected or upset, *im sorry.*
...
When I said I loved you, it was because I loved you. When I said I needed you, well, I really need you. Yeah, I guess you hurt me, for once you’re a man of your words. Well, guess what – I’m leaving – I can’t be your prisoner.
I won’t.
Sunday I woke up at seven in the morning to get ready for a long day. Nate picked me up at 8 and then we got sydney. We had an interesting two hour car drive. A lot of shifting for comfortability. hah, it kinda worked out in the end. We got to Big Sur after a twisty drive up a dangerous road. We went on an amazing walk/hike through the forest to the river. The river was crystal and beautiful. There were huge rocks everywhere, so we climbed the rocks through the river. It was really nice to have a change in scenery, especially such a beautiful one. We had a really good time. Sydney.. haha fell in the river (which was HILARIOUS!), and nate was laughing at her and making fun of her and then two seconds later he completely fell in. :). it was really cute, haha, i was the only one who stayed somewhat dry. The walk was so beautiful. Even though the air isn't really dirty here, it felt so much cleaner and fresher in Big Sur. I really enjoyed it, and it was nice to get away. Then we had a barbecue and went to a music/environment festival. There was this AMAZING nest, where it was a bunch of little to medium sized sticks formed into a huge oval suspended by wood and a ladder. Inside the nest there were TONS of pillows. We layed in there for hours. It was super nice. And then these little kids kinda attacked us. I think we might have given sydney a concussion from a pillow fight where nate and i completely ganged up on her. it was funny. haha
Last night i was exhausted so I went to bed at 9:45 (I KNOW! early!) but i didn't sleep at all, and now i have a sore back and a migraine. It sucks.
i'm really nervous and worried about a lot of things. school too. err
I wasn't completely myself today. For the few people who this affected or upset, *im sorry.*
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
enough
I feel so empty and gone and upset.
I wish life was different. I really do sometimes.
I want to get away from here and have a fresh start. Somewhere where I can finally breathe and feel the wind against me without feeling empty and concerned. I just want to be able to completely let go and feel free. I wish I could rewind to a month ago and fully appreciate every moment. That was a good month. It almost seemed like a moment and it flashed before me, and then it was gone. Maybe that's all it was. *just a moment*
I love Claudia so much and miss her even though she has barely been gone. she needs to come home. I don't know how I will deal with her going to college. It will be tough. I hate it when she is stressed from school and everything else because I feel so helpless. and when other people just add to her hurt and stress it gets me really upset.
please don't.
I don't know how I will deal with her going to college. It will be tough.
*******
I wish life was different. I really do sometimes.
I want to get away from here and have a fresh start. Somewhere where I can finally breathe and feel the wind against me without feeling empty and concerned. I just want to be able to completely let go and feel free. I wish I could rewind to a month ago and fully appreciate every moment. That was a good month. It almost seemed like a moment and it flashed before me, and then it was gone. Maybe that's all it was. *just a moment*
I love Claudia so much and miss her even though she has barely been gone. she needs to come home. I don't know how I will deal with her going to college. It will be tough. I hate it when she is stressed from school and everything else because I feel so helpless. and when other people just add to her hurt and stress it gets me really upset.
please don't.
I don't know how I will deal with her going to college. It will be tough.
*******
Monday, October 8, 2007
Thieves In The Orchard
This weekend has been really amazing.
Friday: After school I went to Outspoken with Alex & Colette & Tyler and there we saw John & Lily. We sat there for a while and talked, then we went to Alex's house and hung out until the football game. We played pool... and Colette tried to use her "techniques.." she lost her playing privileges towards the end. hahah. At the football game we went in using alex's ID card four times to get me, sydney, and alison in. We went in and said hi to nick and robin.. and got extremely cold and bored. Alex, alison, colette, sydney and i left the game and started walking away from the school and under the bridge. we took a small path up to the railroad tracks and started walking down them and to the train station. Alex and I soon realized that it was pitch black and WAY darker than it was when we were with cole and nick last time. so the four of us kept walking, but poor colette was wearing uncomfortable shoes. I turned around to see how the shoes were working out when i saw a silhouette of someone behind her. I thought it was Alex, so i counted everyone but we were all there. We realized that there was someone following us, so we started to run really fast to get away from the train tracks. poor colette was trapped behind because of her shoes! :(. so we stopped and she finally caught up. so we kept running on the side streets and then finally walked. when we passed the train station someone jumped out and cleared their throat and said "oh i finally caught up to you guys.." when he walked by us he smelled really grossly of alcohol. so we crossed the street and started walking faster. Then he noticed that we crossed so he slowed way down and then pulled into an alley and stopped, waiting for us to walk by. So, we paced to insomniac video and sat in there until he left. Then we rented Airplane! *(after being in the video store for 45 minutes)* We continued our walk to Colette's house, and when we got there watched the movie and had really yummy alfredo pasta.
Saturday: I woke up at 7:30 and went to Mission Plaza with my dad for the Plein Air Festival. I posed for three artists on the grass outside the Art Center and made money. Which was really helpful. Then we stayed for the auction which was fun, and my dad and i went home. i took a nap from 2-4:30. it felt so good to sleep. i hadn't slept much all week. Then Alex came over and we hung around for a while. thennnn sydney came three hours late. AHEM!!!!!. so we made vegan dinner for her and two boxes of macaroni and cheese for alex and i. haha. they then FORCED me to watch the exorcism of emily rose. (AHHH) and we watched CASHBACK [amazing] and the TV set. which i didnt like that much
Sunday: sydney and i went downtown all day and went on a random stuff hunt.
i got a really cute fondue kit for 5 dollars. yesss. then we went to Linnea's for the songwriter's showcase. After that nate and sydney came over and we all played guitar in my room with claudia. it was really sweet. they left around 11/11:30. it was a good night
Monday: Bob Jones bike trail/BEACH!!/lavendar/apple orchard thieves. best apples in a long time/being stranded in the pitch black freezing night/the amazing feeling of a hot bath after the beach/love with new cd player
wow. so that was really long and satisfying
Friday: After school I went to Outspoken with Alex & Colette & Tyler and there we saw John & Lily. We sat there for a while and talked, then we went to Alex's house and hung out until the football game. We played pool... and Colette tried to use her "techniques.." she lost her playing privileges towards the end. hahah. At the football game we went in using alex's ID card four times to get me, sydney, and alison in. We went in and said hi to nick and robin.. and got extremely cold and bored. Alex, alison, colette, sydney and i left the game and started walking away from the school and under the bridge. we took a small path up to the railroad tracks and started walking down them and to the train station. Alex and I soon realized that it was pitch black and WAY darker than it was when we were with cole and nick last time. so the four of us kept walking, but poor colette was wearing uncomfortable shoes. I turned around to see how the shoes were working out when i saw a silhouette of someone behind her. I thought it was Alex, so i counted everyone but we were all there. We realized that there was someone following us, so we started to run really fast to get away from the train tracks. poor colette was trapped behind because of her shoes! :(. so we stopped and she finally caught up. so we kept running on the side streets and then finally walked. when we passed the train station someone jumped out and cleared their throat and said "oh i finally caught up to you guys.." when he walked by us he smelled really grossly of alcohol. so we crossed the street and started walking faster. Then he noticed that we crossed so he slowed way down and then pulled into an alley and stopped, waiting for us to walk by. So, we paced to insomniac video and sat in there until he left. Then we rented Airplane! *(after being in the video store for 45 minutes)* We continued our walk to Colette's house, and when we got there watched the movie and had really yummy alfredo pasta.
Saturday: I woke up at 7:30 and went to Mission Plaza with my dad for the Plein Air Festival. I posed for three artists on the grass outside the Art Center and made money. Which was really helpful. Then we stayed for the auction which was fun, and my dad and i went home. i took a nap from 2-4:30. it felt so good to sleep. i hadn't slept much all week. Then Alex came over and we hung around for a while. thennnn sydney came three hours late. AHEM!!!!!. so we made vegan dinner for her and two boxes of macaroni and cheese for alex and i. haha. they then FORCED me to watch the exorcism of emily rose. (AHHH) and we watched CASHBACK [amazing] and the TV set. which i didnt like that much
Sunday: sydney and i went downtown all day and went on a random stuff hunt.
i got a really cute fondue kit for 5 dollars. yesss. then we went to Linnea's for the songwriter's showcase. After that nate and sydney came over and we all played guitar in my room with claudia. it was really sweet. they left around 11/11:30. it was a good night
Monday: Bob Jones bike trail/BEACH!!/lavendar/apple orchard thieves. best apples in a long time/being stranded in the pitch black freezing night/the amazing feeling of a hot bath after the beach/love with new cd player
wow. so that was really long and satisfying
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